23 Women Jokes & Puns to Make You Chuckle

There’s nothing better than some good old-fashioned humor to give you a good laugh now and then — especially with your best pals. We’ve put together a collection of hilarious women jokes and puns that are sure to make you smile. Please don’t be offended, and if you are well, that’s on you!

  1. “I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women. He said the ATM outside.”
  2. “Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.”
  3. “God created childbirth to give women the chance to experience what it’s like… For a guy to catch a cold….”
  4. “I want my bank to treat me the same way women do. 0% interest rate.”
  5. “Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them? In the bookstore, under “fiction”.”
  6. “I don’t think women should have kids after 35. That’s just too many kids.”
  7. “Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don’t care.”
  8. “It’s true women do make less money than men. But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.”
  9. “Why don’t women parachute naked? That annoying whistling sound on the way down.”
  10. “Why are the majority of archeologists women? They have a natural ability to dig up the past.”
  11. “A guy overhears two women at the bar talking with an accent. He walks up to them and asks “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but hear you speak, are you two ladies from Scotland perhaps?”. The women turn toward him and one of them rudely replies “it’s Wales, dumbass!”. He says “Excuse me, are you two whales from Scotland?”
  12. “Why are women called a “widow” when their spouse dies, but a man is called “widower”? Do men have to be better at everything?”
  13. “My job allows me to hook up with as many women as I want. I love being a mortician.”
  14. “Wife asks her husband: “How many women have you ever slept with?” Husband responds: “One, two, three, four, you, five, six… six total”
  15. “Why do basketball players struggle to get women pregnant? Because they dribble so much before they shoot.”
  16. “80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said “Yes! Oh God, Yes!”
  17. “What do women and the weather have in common? When it’s wet, you should go inside.”
  18. “”Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?” “This is Alexa.””
  19. “International women’s day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes. Period.”
  20. “God took only one rib from men to create women. Because he knew, if he took a second rib, humanity would die out.”
  21. “I was doing a study on whether women are open to dating short guys. The 2 most common responses were 1. Who are you 2. How did you get in my house”
  22. “I’m ok with trans women competing in women’s sports. As long as I’m allowed to bet.”
Abbie Wilson
Abbie Wilson has years of experience in the DIY & construction field having covered roofing, plumbing, and general DIY for various award-winning publications.

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